The Relationship Room

It’s one of the most common questions after a breakup – and one of the most emotionally loaded, “Should I go back to my ex?”
 Maybe you’re missing them more than you’d like to admit. Maybe you’re tired of dating. Maybe you’re wondering if you made a mistake.

The answer isn’t simple. But the question deserves more than just a yes or no. Let’s unpack it.

1. Are you missing them, or just the comfort?

Breakups leave a void. The routines, the good mornings, the presence – they all vanish at once. It’s completely natural to miss the familiar, even if the relationship wasn’t good for you. So ask yourself honestly:

• Are you missing the person?
• Or are you missing the comfort, the routine, the feeling of being wanted?

If you’re just craving familiarity, going back might only delay the inevitable and prevent your personal growth.

2. Why did it end in the first place?

It’s easy to romanticise the past, especially when you’re lonely. But nostalgia has a funny way of editing out the hard parts. Take a moment to remember:

• What actually caused the breakup?
• Were the issues circumstantial or fundamental?
• Did you both try to work on it, or was it one-sided?

If the relationship ended due to patterns that haven’t changed, like poor communication, emotional unavailability, trust issues, or repeated disrespect, then going back might just mean reliving the same cycle.

3. Have they changed? Have you?

Sometimes people do grow. Time apart can bring clarity, maturity, and self-awareness. But change doesn’t happen just because someone says it did. Ask yourself:

• What evidence is there that things would actually be different this time?
• Have they taken responsibility or just offered apologies?
• Have you grown into someone who now knows their worth and boundaries?

Going back should only be an option if both people are showing real, measurable change, not just saying “I miss you.”

4. Are you afraid to move on?

Let’s be honest: moving on is scary. Especially if the dating world feels cold, confusing, or exhausting. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking “maybe they were the best I’ll ever get.”

But ask yourself, are you truly considering getting back together… or are you just afraid of being alone?

Fear should never be the reason you return to someone. Love, respect, shared values, and healthy communication should be.

5. What does your gut say when you’re honest with yourself?

Deep down, you probably already know the answer. You might not want to hear it, but your body does – the tight chest, the anxious thoughts, the lack of peace.

Take a quiet moment. No friends, no texts, no opinions. Just you and your intuition. How do you feel when you imagine going back? Peaceful? Hopeful? Or anxious and uncertain?

Sometimes your nervous system knows what your heart refuses to accept.

So… should you go back?

Here’s the truth. You can go back, people do it all the time. But you should only go back if the foundation is new, not just the furniture rearranged.

If you’ve both done the work, had the hard conversations, and can honestly say this is a new chapter, not just a rerun, then maybe it’s worth exploring.

But if you’re considering it just to ease the loneliness, avoid healing, or out of fear… rethink.

You don’t have to hate your ex to move on from them. You can love what you had, appreciate the lessons, and still decide that your future deserves a different story.

Healing isn’t linear. Missing them doesn’t mean you should be with them. Sometimes, letting go is the most loving thing you can do, for both of you.

Find out more about couples therapy here.