Why there’s no Set Time you should Stay Single after a Breakup
There’s no denying that the rules of dating after a breakup are outdated and arbitrary. So why are we all still following them?
Why are we following arbitrary and outdated rules about dating? Once you break up from your significant other, there’s a belief that you must stay single for a time. However, does this actually help you get over the heartache of your last relationship?
“There are all these arbitrary urban myths that people just assume are valid forms of knowledge, but really, they’re often just oversimplifications. There really is no hard and fast time frame on how long it takes to heal after an emotional experience,” Rachel says.
We often see people who get into a relationship quickly as moving on too fast, just looking for a rebound to get over an ex. However, while this is sometimes used as coping mechanism to avoid pain, often the breakup is the final piece in the puzzle. A person may have checked out way before this point, and the breakup is just the catalyst. However, if people stay single for too long then we see them as unable to move on, risking becoming stuck on heartbreak. Sometimes it feels there is no middle ground.
The point is that individuals process things differently, and recovery time can be impacted by many factors such as who ended the relationship and if it was a surprise or expected. “Being broken up with fits into a trauma category of uncontrollable life-changing events, which always leave us spinning for a little while afterwards. When you’ve got control, you might be just as sad, but you knew it was coming, so it’s a very different emotional process,” Rachel says.
Rather than a hard rule of no romantic relationships you should focus on what happened, how you are feeling and what you need moving forward. Working through these experiences can allow you to move on more effectively and not resort to numbing agents to avoid emotional risks.
Another sign as to whether you’re ready is to think on your intentions. Are you dating to avoid the heartache of the past? Or are you actually read to move on?
“After a relationship, you often don’t have the capacity to go through another complicated experience. And if you’re in that place, you’re probably better off avoiding dating for a while. But if we had to be fully healed before we began dating again people would be single forever,” Rachel says.
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