The Relationship Room

Would you pop a pill to make you fall in love? How about another to eliminate the pain of heartbreak? Emerging science suggests it’s just a matter of time before who and for how long we love is under our control.

While dating apps use algorithms to try and match you with your most compatible future partner, there is one thing it cannot predict. Whether or not you feel instant chemistry with a person – the spark.

The spark, however, is nothing more than brain chemistry. As Anna Machin, British doctor of evolutionary anthropology explains, your brain responds to sensory information, the person’s smell, body language and speech. This is what causes initial physical attraction.

Oxytocin and dopamine are released into your brain, accompanied by a drop in serotonin. Oxytocin lowers your inhibitions, increasing your chances of entering into a new relationship while dopamine ensures you feel good enough to make the first move. While the effects of serotonin are currently under debate, researchers believe it may kick start your obsession with a person in the early stages of a crush.

As we move further into the relationship and start to fall in love with the person, your body also releases a beta-endorphin, which further gives us an “addicted” feeling to the person. These chemical processes demonstrate the evolutionary drive for humans to enter into relationships.

Finding this spark is the biggest challenge in online dating. Rachel says, “You’re meeting people, putting your heart out there, and most of the time, you’re disappointed or rejected, which makes it about one of the most unenjoyable experiences of all time,” she says. “But the Spark is also one of the things that makes online dating exciting. People want to believe there’s a spiritual, special romantic aspect to love. We’re willing to take that risk.”

What happens if we didn’t need to take the risk though, that we could artificially create the spark and control the situation? While researchers stress there is no one pill that can induce love for another person, Professor Julian Savulesc states that multiple medical substances have been seen to interact with our love systems. If we continue to understand and harness the powers of these drugs, the more likely we will be able to shape and control our love lives. With the invention and improvement of functional fMRI technology this possibility is not too far away. Scientists are beginning to understand the complex systems within our brain of those who are deeply in love or suffering from an extreme heartbreak.

“People are impatient and want to expedite everything,” Voysey says. “Relationships take time to build, but we want instant gratification; we want it to happen fast, and we want control.”

However, some argue that taking a drug to change our brain chemistry to help us fall in love, is no different than anti-depressants acting to change chemical pathways to improve mood. However, at the moment there is no legal, therapeutic drug that can mimic feelings of love.

The only one in existence that scientists believe even come close is the illegal MDMA. In the 1970s it was used in couples therapy but is now illegal due to serve side effects. FDA is currently evaluating it for other clinical uses by physicians. However, Australian experts still warn against the dangerous effects as well as the chance of inauthentic bonding if you use the drug to feel a spark with a person you have no solid foundation with.

“Being heartbroken is one of the worst human experiences,” Voysey says. Due to the drop in beta-endorphins, we suddenly go into withdrawal when dumped. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist, says the same parts of the brain are active when you experience heartbreak and physical pain, they can feel like the same thing. There is also an added layer of social rejection and overthinking about what you could have done different.

“I’ve had more people in the foetal position in my room as a couples’ therapist than I think you would see in any other part of medicine,” Voysey says. “I’ve had to cancel [patients] for the rest of the day because someone is on my floor looking like they’ve just been told they’re going to die because someone’s walked out on them.”

Heartbreak sits in an irrational part of the brin and sometimes cannot be reached by therapy. Therefore, emerging research shows a new solution could be in the form of a painkiller for heartache.

A new technique called memory reconsolidation showed some signs of reducing the pain of heartbreak. Alain Brunet, a clinical psychologist and psychiatry professor at McGill University, performed an experiment where beta blockers (which have the effect of weakening emotional tones of memories) where used on people recalling a bad memory. Thirty-five out of the fourth eight said they experienced some improvement in their mood over the four months of the trial and felt their wellbeing improve.

Some argue that using drugs to lessen heartbreak may mean that you do not learn from your mistakes and are destined to relive the same relationships over and over. Big pharma may also be motivated to tap into the love market, exploiting the basic human need to be loved. This may mean key ethical considerations are not thought through enough.

Do you have to tell a partner you’re taking a drug and what happens when you want to go off it? It may create serious power imbalances in relationships and cause even worst pain then normal heartbreak. Do we really wish to control and possibly lose something that makes us so human and is such a key source of value in people’s lives?

“Unfortunately, the cost of love is pain,” says Voysey. “Being in love is a deep, meaningful, intense experience, and the flip side is pain. They have to exist with each other to exist at all.”

What would you do if you could take a pill to fall in love or take away the pain of a hurtful breakup? It might not be too far away according to new research.

While dating apps use algorithms to try and match you with your most compatible future partner, there is one thing it cannot predict. Whether or not you feel instant chemistry with a person – the spark.

The spark, however, is nothing more than brain chemistry. As Anna Machin, British doctor of evolutionary anthropology explains, your brain responds to sensory information, the person’s smell, body language and speech. This is what causes initial physical attraction.

Oxytocin and dopamine are released into your brain, accompanied by a drop in serotonin. Oxytocin lowers your inhibitions, increasing your chances of entering into a new relationship while dopamine ensures you feel good enough to make the first move. While the effects of serotonin are currently under debate, researchers believe it may kick start your obsession with a person in the early stages of a crush.

As we move further into the relationship and start to fall in love with the person, your body also releases a beta-endorphin, which further gives us an “addicted” feeling to the person. These chemical processes demonstrate the evolutionary drive for humans to enter into relationships.

Finding this spark is the biggest challenge in online dating. Rachel says, “You’re meeting people, putting your heart out there, and most of the time, you’re disappointed or rejected, which makes it about one of the most unenjoyable experiences of all time,” she says. “But the Spark is also one of the things that makes online dating exciting. People want to believe there’s a spiritual, special romantic aspect to love. We’re willing to take that risk.”

What happens if we didn’t need to take the risk though, that we could artificially create the spark and control the situation? While researchers stress there is no one pill that can induce love for another person, Professor Julian Savulesc states that multiple medical substances have been seen to interact with our love systems. If we continue to understand and harness the powers of these drugs, the more likely we will be able to shape and control our love lives. With the invention and improvement of functional fMRI technology this possibility is not too far away. Scientists are beginning to understand the complex systems within our brain of those who are deeply in love or suffering from an extreme heartbreak.

“People are impatient and want to expedite everything,” Voysey says. “Relationships take time to build, but we want instant gratification; we want it to happen fast, and we want control.”

However, some argue that taking a drug to change our brain chemistry to help us fall in love, is no different than anti-depressants acting to change chemical pathways to improve mood. However, at the moment there is no legal, therapeutic drug that can mimic feelings of love.

The only one in existence that scientists believe even come close is the illegal MDMA. In the 1970s it was used in couples therapy but is now illegal due to serve side effects. FDA is currently evaluating it for other clinical uses by physicians. However, Australian experts still warn against the dangerous effects as well as the chance of inauthentic bonding if you use the drug to feel a spark with a person you have no solid foundation with.

“Being heartbroken is one of the worst human experiences,” Voysey says. Due to the drop in beta-endorphins, we suddenly go into withdrawal when dumped. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist, says the same parts of the brain are active when you experience heartbreak and physical pain, they can feel like the same thing. There is also an added layer of social rejection and overthinking about what you could have done different.

“I’ve had more people in the foetal position in my room as a couples’ therapist than I think you would see in any other part of medicine,” Voysey says. “I’ve had to cancel [patients] for the rest of the day because someone is on my floor looking like they’ve just been told they’re going to die because someone’s walked out on them.”

Heartbreak sits in an irrational part of the brin and sometimes cannot be reached by therapy. Therefore, emerging research shows a new solution could be in the form of a painkiller for heartache.

A new technique called memory reconsolidation showed some signs of reducing the pain of heartbreak. Alain Brunet, a clinical psychologist and psychiatry professor at McGill University, performed an experiment where beta blockers (which have the effect of weakening emotional tones of memories) where used on people recalling a bad memory. Thirty-five out of the fourth eight said they experienced some improvement in their mood over the four months of the trial and felt their wellbeing improve.

Some argue that using drugs to lessen heartbreak may mean that you do not learn from your mistakes and are destined to relive the same relationships over and over. Big pharma may also be motivated to tap into the love market, exploiting the basic human need to be loved. This may mean key ethical considerations are not thought through enough.

Do you have to tell a partner you’re taking a drug and what happens when you want to go off it? It may create serious power imbalances in relationships and cause even worst pain then normal heartbreak. Do we really wish to control and possibly lose something that makes us so human and is such a key source of value in people’s lives?

“Unfortunately, the cost of love is pain,” says Voysey. “Being in love is a deep, meaningful, intense experience, and the flip side is pain. They have to exist with each other to exist at all.”

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