BEING RIGHT OR BEING HAPPY???

Being Right or being Happy?

In relationships, being right and being happy simply do not go together! In the context of

relationships, if you have been proved right, then your partner has been proved wrong and while

you might get a little momentary self-righteous thrill, at the end of the day, you feel less like a team

and your partner feels less like an equal.

So what leads us into these little battles? Mostly they come up when we feel that our partner is

doing or has done something wrong and we either feel wronged or that our partner should be made

aware of his or her mistake!

Being right or being happy

In relationships, being right and being happy simply do not go together! In the context of

relationships, if you have been proved right, then your partner has been proved wrong and while

you might get a little momentary self-righteous thrill, at the end of the day, you feel less like a team

and your partner feels less like an equal.

So what leads us into these little battles? Mostly they come up when we feel that our partner is

doing or has done something wrong and we either feel wronged or that our partner should be made

aware of his or her mistake!

Here are some tips for approaching these situations:

1. What is the situation? The first thing to check is whether your involvement here is

appropriate! Does the situation involve you? For example, you might feel that your partner

has treated a friend unfairly. If you would like to give your partner feedback in a situation

that does not directly involve you, check first. You might ask ‘are you available for my

feedback now?’, perhaps right now isn’t the best time for them to receive your feedback,

maybe later when things are calmer would be a better time. When emotions are high we

need to feel that our partners understand and support us, even if they don’t agree with

everything we do.

2. Talk about your feelings. If the situation does involve you, try to stay focussed on the way

you feel. For example, ‘When you stayed out late with your friends without letting me know

where you were, I felt really worried about you’.

3. Ask for what you need. Let your partner know how they could shine for you. For example, ‘I

need you to text me if you’re coming home late’.

4. Take responsibility. Check out your own behaviour and take responsibility for it. For

example, ‘I’m sorry I shouted at you when you got home’.

1. What is the situation? The first thing to check is whether your involvement here is

appropriate! Does the situation involve you? For example, you might feel that your partner

has treated a friend unfairly. If you would like to give your partner feedback in a situation

that does not directly involve you, check first. You might ask ‘are you available for my

feedback now?’, perhaps right now isn’t the best time for them to receive your feedback,

maybe later when things are calmer would be a better time. When emotions are high we

need to feel that our partners understand and support us, even if they don’t agree with

everything we do.

2. Talk about your feelings. If the situation does involve you, try to stay focussed on the way

you feel. For example, ‘When you stayed out late with your friends without letting me know

where you were, I felt really worried about you’.

3. Ask for what you need. Let your partner know how they could shine for you. For example, ‘I

need you to text me if you’re coming home late’.

4. Take responsibility. Check out your own behaviour and take responsibility for it. For

example, ‘I’m sorry I shouted at you when you got home’.

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